January 29, 2023
Listening to: Repiet, Julia Kleijin - Feels Like (La La La La)

Seems I'm not the only one having lack of ambition, or motivation for their site. It feels real. And I get it, it may not be the same for others, but for me, I begin to feel stuck. Updating this thing, I begin focusing on content, does it matter? Are people looking at it? Do people hate it, like it? how many followers do I have? How many should I have? Does any of this shit matter? Does my content make an impact on anyone, does it push people away?

This is when I realize, it's to much to focus on. This isn't what being a Webmaster meant to me when I first started, it was all for me, and if I reached an audience, well..hell yea! But with the way the web works today, it's all about content, engagement, likes, follows. Honestly, it makes me sick, and I begin to just drown in overthinking things.

It's when I take a break, pause, step back and re-think. I realize this space..this site, it's for me. If I happen to snag a few people who like my stuff along the way, then, fuck yea! The more the merrier! But I need to keep this state of mind, if I intend to keep this space.

So enough of all that crap, I like to keep it random. It more fun that way! We took the kids to the fair this past weekend, actually the last day of the fair. We usually go every year, with a "couple", so like a double date type thing with kids. We've been hanging out with this couple for years now, and we've all become good friends. Honestly, it's a funny dynamic, my wife and her husband have everything in common, and I and his wife everything in common, it's unreal, almost like we all chose the wrong person.

Anyway, So we did our yearly fair trip, and it was all good, except, the night before, my old ass pulled a back muscle IN BED while turning over. On top of that, I had a fucked up ankle from the previous day, from riding my long board. So I was in a lot of pain walking around the fair for about 8 hours. But our kids had a lot of fun, so that's all that matters.

In other shit..I've been on a Chillstep, and some Rap kick lately, like, I've completely abandoned my punk, and metal playlists. It's just feels right, at the moment. It usually wears off, and I go back to my metal, but man, I do love my Chillstep. I definitely recommend looking up the above song on Spotify or YouTube. It's more house, than Chillstep, but damn it's so good. Chillstep holds a special place in my heart, I used to be a huge Dubstep fan, but I migrated to Chillstep Because I just appreciate the vocals, and chill vibe that comes along with it.

It almost reminds me of smoking out in my room, turning on my blacklight, and turning on some TOOL, or Deftones. Or just kickin' it with a homie in the car, and just driving around to nowhere, for no fuckin' reason. There's just no feeling like it.

January 12, 2023
Listening to: Taking Back Sunday - I'll Let You Live

It's been a HOT MINUTE, since I've been on Neocities, the holidays pretty much took up my time, which honestly crashed, and combined into my digital detox. I've been in a state of limbo, as far as the internet is concerned, while I've avoided most of the net, I did check in on the "news" every once and a while.

I've honestly been spending more time with my family, listening to music[obviously], hanging with friends, drinking, and just hanging out. It's been fucking great. Not worrying about wtf is going on in the digital world, having some friends over, hanging out in my patio, drinking and having a fuckin' blast. Haven't missed any of this internet culture.

Having said that, my updates will most likely be few and far between, I've come to realize, life is so much more fulfilling without the internet, which is an odd way to think, considering I was around when the internet was born, I've been apart of it since conception, but maybe... just maybe that's why, why I need these breaks, I've seen the net rise, and I've seen it's shitty fall, into a dystopian wasteland. Full of hate, politics, gender wars, and fighting over the most stupidest shit I've ever seen. I'm honestly over it.

I'll continue to post updates, maybe have a layout change, whenever I feel like it, but the ambition is gone. But as far as adding more content, or newer content, I doubt it. I feel empty with this shit. I feel it's almost a waste of my time. But let's not misconstrue what I'm saying. I love ya'll. Truely. I've become friends with a few of you, and I hope you know who you are, cause I keep my friends for life.

Hope ya'll had an amazing holiday, I'll update soon, when something happens worth posting. Much Love.

December 13, 2023
Listening to: Juice WRLD - Lucid Dreams

Aright, so I've been gone for a bit. Not much for updates, it's been damn nice stepping away from my site for a while though, as well as generally stepping away from my pc/laptop. Of course the holidays have helped that, it's a busy time of year, getting all the gifts down, decorating and all that. Christmas has always been my favorite time of year, even before kids. Why? Because it never fails.. Every year, people become humble, nice to one another, we exchange casual conversation, make new friends, we wave, we go out of our way to help one another, spread niceties, compliments. It's almost as if this vile world doesn't exist, and we're all just living the moment. And I'm all for it, even if it is only for the month of Decemeber.

So onto other shit, in my abscence i've been messing with my playlists on Spotify, and decided to work on my 'rap' playlist. Now, let me just say, I'm a metalhead at heart. BUT I grew up in a time when metal was kinda MEH in my opinion. I grew up with 90's booty rap, and 90's rap. Most of todays rap is honestly shit. But that's MY opinion, because i grew up with rap that had funk, and a message, wether it was a good one or not. It didn't matter, it had meaning. Today's shit I can't help but try and hold from throwing up.

Now you might be asking, wtf is Booty Rap? Well..if you know, you know. But I'll enlighten you. It's a period of time in the early 90's where it was a distinct style, sound, and lyrics, among the top for artists, were 69 Boyz. But it's so much deeper. It's a rabbit hole, and it's amazing, so many great artists lost in time. 95 South, Uncle Luke, Uncle Al, Splack Pack, just to name a few. (Fun Fact - Splack Pack is from my Home Town.)

But this type of rap, was fast, had loads of bass, and it made you wanna fuckin' dance. Clubs were off the hook when these songs played. I miss this type of rap, but I also miss the later years of rap, where we get Warren G, Nas, DMX, Lil' Kim, 50 Cent. The list goes on. It was all fuckin' awesome.

This is all leading somewhere, really. So I've been an Eminem fan since his first LP. It may sound trendy or whatever, but let's not forget Vanilla Ice. Right? Right. Eminem set a standard, it was a big fuck you to everyone, and I loved it. His lyrics went deep with so many people, hitting those spots of hate, depression, sadnesss, love, and just pure chaos. And yes, he is a Rap God, ya can't change my mind. I remember coming ascross his whole MGK dispute, yes MGK is a fucking idiot. Eminem put out a single called 'Godzilla'. And No fucking shit was the best one he put out by far, his bars are so fast, so consistant, it's honestly amazing, he never misses a step.

I'm rambling, my point of all that was, the song featured Juice Wrld. Now I've heard of Juice WRLD before, and I truely never listened to any of his music, because, well I never thought about it, but a few weeks ago, I decided, you know what? fuck it. So I looked him up on Spotify. And..well I became a fan. Yes, I know he's passed away, it saddens me, because he truely has some amazing tracks. Now I will say this - I absolutely HATE Auto-Tune. Every new rapper/singer uses it, and it sounds fucking awful. Juice WRLD, has to be the ONLY rapper I've heard, that sounds good. and his songs are so good. He tell's a story in his lyrics, and that's why I think he clicks with me.

So with all that, I'm dedicating this to Juice WRLD. Much Love brother, Taken away too soon, your lyrics speak truth, and resonate with so many. R.I.P.

November 5, 2023
Listening to: CrazyEightyEight - I Am Tetsuo

Site is back to normal, lack of updates and all that.

You know, I love Halloween, but I swear, it's not the same. I'm honestly glad it's over. We barely took any photos, why? because it sucked. Halloween has been ruined by trunk or treat, and you can't convince me otherwise. A 5 minute walk down a line of car trunks, and you end up with a bucket full of candy. Where's the fun at, where's the scares? Our entire neighborhood was dark. Noone decorated, no candy being handed out. Don't even get me started on all the stupid ass costumes people are wearing now, I was literally the only person wearing a costume that was scary. I no longer care to even participate in this shit.

Reason for lack of an update, shit hit the fan over here. Well, what I mean is, I've had to put my tattoo sessions on hold, me and the wife bought a new(used) SUV, but I shit you not, once we brought our new baby home, our second vehicle literally said "screw it" and crapped out on us, repairs were going to cost us around $7k. With the year, and mileage, it just wasn't worth fixing. We ended up getting a cash offer for around $2k for it. No lie, me and my 5 year old daughter started crying when we left our vehicle behind.

It's strange, to have an emotional attatchment to a vehicle. I was upset because that SUV had a lot of memories for me, I drove my wife to the hospital when she was in labor with our son, we drove our son home in it. I drove her back when she was pregnant with our daughter, and again, we drove her home in it. We took family trips to PA in it, we went camping with it. We watched our kids play in the front seats whenever we gave it a car wash. To see it sit in a lot waiting to be auctioned was heartbreaking.

We're in the process of looking for a new(used) second vehicle, because with me and the wife's schedule, it's pretty much essential for the kids. It's also the worst time for it, with this shit economy.

In other shitty news, can we talk about this obession with Black Friday? I'm not crazy, this shit is getting out of hand, it's getting earlier every damn year. RIGHT NOW, literally we have Black Friday deals going on in stores, wtf? I remember when Black Friday was the day AFTER Thanksgiving. But no lets just start this shit on November 1st, while were at let's all decorate for Christmas too. This shit makes me rage. At this point it's not even Black Friday sales, just call it "November Savings" or some shit, or wait you know what? Lets just start Black Friday in July, fuck it, who needs the Holiday season anymore.

Oh and screw all you Instagram/online Influencers. OMG you bought a watch online for $2k? Oh shit, you got a deal on some hand cream, only $60? Can we stop this bullshit please? I don't care, and i'm gunna assume the majority doesn't give a shit either.

I feel like i'm getting close to a digital breakdown, like I need to disconnect, disengage, and detox from this vile, unholy dystopian wasteland we call the internet. What makes it even worse, is I see my kids getting sucked into this online crap. Repeating shit they hear on youtube, or using online slang that makes me want to vomit.

And you know, I spew this shit here, and it makes me seem like a hateful person, like I hate everything, but in reality, i'm a really chill guy, i'm nice to pretty much everyone unless you piss me off. I'm polite, I try and not stress of shit I have no control over, but man it's hard to back away when so many things piss you off, I'm Gen X, I stay in the shadows for the most part, but i'll definitely step in or say something if need be.

Neocities is really the only link I have left of the old web, and even that's not really perfect, while it resembles part of the old web, it's mixed with new web, new mentality, new personalities that try to mimic the old days. I'll be upfront in saying; I hate it. You're either old web, or you're not, don't fake it.

I'll relinquish my hostility now, if i've hurt someones feelings, or lose followers, it's consequence to my action, and it's whatever. I'm also drunk..so there's that.

Love me or hate me, see you all in the next update.

October 22, 2023
Listening to: Union 13 - Never Connected

Added a new shitty recipe. mhm.

How many actually notice that I have a "listening to" on each post? No one? well I never! screw you guys, but no really, check out Union 13 - Never connected. Such a good song. Bring back the 90's please.

Let's move onto other shit. So..I'm a horror fan, I love horror movies, I can watch them everyday, or all day if I let myself. But let's be real, not every horror flick is created equal, in fact, I've watched, and sat through some pretty shitty movies. And not just your typical "ugh this is awful", more like "come the fuck on[eyeroll]" type bullshit.

But every once and a while, I'll come across an underratted horror flick, and I'm like hell yea!

Enter: Terrifier; This series is brutal. But it's a little more than that. The actor who plays Art the clown, is just spot on, his Mime antics are top notch, and his overall body language is excellent. I've even chuckled a few times, when he Mime's

You know what's not a good movie? Twilight. Yea yea, its not a horror movie. I'm just saying, Unless you rather waste brain cells, on teens who wear glitter. fuck outta here..yea I said it.

October 16, 2023
Listening to: The Offspring - Nitro

Added a new page to the menu, yup.

So it's been a long time since I did any gaming, so a day before yesterday I hit up my bro, and said "Let's fuck some shit up". So we headed in to PUBG and did a few rounds, mind you I was 4 drinks in, so there's that. After that We headed into Realm Royale, we've played this game for so long, and they recently did a relaunch. We got our asses kicked, just sayin'. But had a lot of fun. Of course, anything can be fun when you're drunk.

We ended up playing till around 3am, I'll just say..getting out of my computer chair was a challenge, don't even get me started on trying to walk up my stairs to my bed. I crashed hard. Woke up the next day, not even remembering half of my gaming session. Don't care, had fun. That's all that matters.

Ok so..I'm just gunna spit this out, cause it kinda pisses me off, so rant incoming. I watched a video of some dude talking about his visit to Walmart, and how the self-check outs offer a no receipt option, yet the door checkers require a receipt to exit. Stupid, I know..but that's not what annoyed me, it was the comments on the video, specifically the first comment which had a ton of upvotes. Basically the comment was, "why the fuck are you letting them see your receipt, you're violating your 4th amemdment right".

Like really? Are people this fucking stupid, are they so disconnected that they need to create inconvenience, and waste time just because? Just let them see the fucking thing, it's not hard. It doesn't hurt anyone, it's someone doing their fucking job, wether you think the job is required is irrelevant, for fuck sake.

I swear, if I had that dude infront of me, while I'm trying to leave Walmart, and this twat was holding up the line, I'd tell the fucker to get the hell out of the way, I don't have time for this shit.

October 12, 2023
Listening to: Voodoo Glow Skulls - Delinquent Song

I told myself I wasn't going to do a Halloween theme, but screw it. You know me, gotta add some goofy-ness to it.

Still healing from previous tattoo session, so I haven't done any Doodles, I tried to last night, and it just wasn't happening. I have one partially done, but It's honestly looking about the same as my others, so I may just scrap it and start anew.

I took my wife out for breakfast this morning to this hole in the wall place, It's been there for years, and I can't believe I've been here all my life and never once been to this place. It was amazing, good ol' country breakfast. I ordered some sunnyside up eggs, sausage and grits, and they were so damn good. Me and the wife shared a plate of bisquits and gravy, and that shit brought me background to my childhood, all of the food was excellent. We ended up ordering a peanut butter pie to go, and holy shit was it good, creamy whipped peanut butter with a layer of milk chocolate on top.

I'm seriously considering remove all franchise food from my life, and hitting up these hole in the wall places, because that's were the good food is, and its fucking cheap. My breakfast alone was $7, my wife was around the same, and it was a large amount of food. On our way home we passed a taco hell, and their sign outside said they served breakfast, kinda chuckled to myself, just thinking about the kinda crap I'd get if i went there. Some soggy ass egg burrito, and greasy cold hashbrowns, nah I'm good.

October 4, 2023
Listening to: Blink 182 - Enthused

Ok, so anyone else hear about the October 4th emergency alert days before it was supposed to happen? I'm just wondering what the fuck was everyone was so afraid of. I was reading, and hearing people freaking out about it, from things like people turning into zombies, or microscopic nanites activating from the covid vaccine, is it just the new generation? Does the younger crown really believe in this type of bullshit, or is this all just social media bullshit click-bait drama meant to stir up fear and panic?

I've been through these alerts all my life, and I just dont understand the fear and panic. Its just a simple test for the EAS(Emergeny Alert System) do the younger people not understand what that is?

It's the only system in the U.S. that we have to use in case of an emergency, for instance, a nulcear attack. There were so many people that were pissed off that their cell phone would sound an alert for a few seconds, like their fucking life was ending.

It was a fucking TEST to make sure the system still worked. This happened 3 years ago, and before that as well. I for one, am sort of grateful such a system exists, and if they need to test to make sure it works, more power to em'. 'cause I for one would like to be notified of and impending nuclear attack, or another extreme distaster.

Case in point, I live in Florida, when we have a sever hurricane coming our way, and all tv networks, and wireless communications were knocked out, EAS was activated across all signals to alert us of potential catastrophic damage, meaning potential death. This gets us prepared for the worst, and to seek immediate shelter.

So for anyone pissed off that our governmenet is testing it's emergency system, screw off. It's there for a reason. These tests having been happening since I was a kid. And it's just that..a test. Trust me, you'll be happy the system is place for an actual real emergency.

In other lighter news? My tattoo is healing nicely, a little itchy and annoying at times, but all good. I'll post a picture of it, once the full sleeve is done. On that note, its a little hard to use the computer, or even draw at the moment, because the tattto is on my right and hand palm. So once I'm healed, I'll be good to get some more doodles out.

I'm also thinking about adding a Neocities graveyard to my links, because it seems quite a few that I follow have either dropped off the radar, or completely deleted their site. It saddens me.

October 1, 2023
Listening to: Mest - The Last Time

It's personal now, don't like it? Don't care. rock on fuckers.

I start my first session on my sleeve tattoo tomorrow and I'm fucking stoked. So I'm enjoying myself tonight, I'm 6 twisted tea's in and feeling gewd. So..in other shit..

I watch tiktok videos, yea I know..lame, YOU SUCK, all that shit. but hear me out. I find some funny crap on there, and sometimes, even new bands, rarely, because..well people musical taste kinda suck. Case in point, I saw a video tonight of a dude listening to a band, and he said it had the best BLEGH's he's ever heard. I went to spotify, looked up the band and song. And all I can say is.. they were the WEAKEST BLEGH's i've ever heard, I mean really, I did an eyeroll and threw up in my mouth.

I can't even remember the band's name, that's how forgettable it was. I want a BLEGH with feeling, where it hits so hard, follows a double bass breakdown and makes you wanna kick someones fucking face in. So I went into mu playlist and played After The Burial - Lost In The Static. just to get that awful band out of my head. Wanna know what I mean?

Turn it up and fucking enjoy.
BLEGH <- I'm a link, I tend to blend in.
For some stupid reason, youtube won't let me embed the video, so whatever.

September 12, 2023
Listening to: Silverchair - Madman

Oh Man, what a weekend! I headed up to see a buddy, well more of a brother, a couple hours away and crashed as his place for the weekend. You know you have a brother, or friend for life, when you can pick up where you left off, no matter how long, or what situation.

We vegged out all weekend, playing some poker, some good ol fashioned board games, and some DnD baby! All while drinking, and gut busting laughter. My bro had a guest room all set up for me, and my own bathroom. I felt like I was in a hotel. Also had the pleasure of meeting his new pups, two mini dachshund's Thor, and Loki, as well as my favorite Corgi - Odin. Love him to death. He took me to a hole in the wall place called Mutts which he claimed had the best burgers, and no lie, they were damn good, I ordered a side of fried pickles along with my burger, and they were the BEST fried pickles i've had.

Our weekend flew by way to fast. By the time I realized, it was time for me to hit the road back home. BUT, we have planned to do this way more often, I mean after all, DnD cannot be finished in a couple days. I had a blast, and I can't wait to do it again!

September 4, 2023
Listening to: Deftones - Digital Bath

Had another tattoo session today, which started my journey of a full sleeve tattoo on my right arm. I'm going Norse/Viking, which will eventually focus around Fenrir, today was a simple norse pattern on my hand. I'm fucking stoked to see it's final form.

So as with the new tattoos, I'm having to take a short break on my Doodles, which I have been drawing up. Hoping to get a few added in a couple weeks. 'Cause next Friday, I'm taking a 3 Day vacation, and visiting a life long friend of mine who's about 2 hours away. I've Known this guy since 6th grade, and we've been causing havoc ever since. So this getaway is some good ol' fashion catching up, drinking, gambling, gaming, and laughing till we fart.

September 2, 2023
Listening to: Justin Johnson - Son Of A Witch

I usually don't get sentimental, I try to avoid it in fear of slipping into depression, but I've been drinking, and shit happens. So I decided I'd take a trip down memory lane in my head. I tend to live in the past rather than the present. Why? cause it was fucking better. But it was also a fucking mess. I grew up when things were fun, chaotic, and sad all rolled into one big middle fingered fuck you.

I grew up with the best music, and the the worst parents..the best drugs, the worst bullies. I suffered through the jocks in school, I went through the fights, the bad grades, the shitty teachers. All to come home to fighting, or drunk parents. High school was the worst, and best time of my life.

But through everything, music was always there. I went through a lot of music genres, Middle School was Booty Rap, 69 Boyz, Uncle AL, etc, Hitting High School, my musical preference changed to punk, NOFX, Pennywise, Blink 182, the list goes on. As continued High School, I went from punk to metal, but it was a weird time for metal, and I started out with Cannibal Corpse.

While that type of metal wasn't for everyone, and it sure as hell was different than listening to say NOFX. It resonated with my angst, my hatred for school, for the bullies, it just fit. I quickly moved away from Cannibal Corpse, and discovered Nu Metal, Limp Bizkit just hit the scene, it was a fucking game changer. Hearing the sound, those screams, the all out emotion in the lyrics, it raised the hair on my arms, and I knew from that moment, that's who I was. Metal has changed so much over the years for me. Metallica? no thanks, I'm not on that shitty bandwagon. Limp Bizkit paved the way for me.

As years went by, and Limp Bizkit became less relevant, Nu Bands came up(see what I did there?). A whole world opened up for me, A Day to Remember, Haste the Day. They all had this amazing sound, amazing lyrics, raw emotion. And it's just what I needed. I needed those lyrics to relate to. I needed that emotion to scream back at the world and say fuck you.

By this time, I had gotten sucked into WoW(World Of Warcraft). After a few years of playing WoW, I met a girl from California, a metalhead. She was the one who introduced me to As I Lay Dying, The hairs on my neck and arms raised as I listened to 'Reflection'. I immediately fell in love with the band, and her. All while I had a girlfriend already. I was lovestruck and I couldn't break it. It ruined my relationship with my girlfriend, my love for music, wow, and this other chick.

I broke it off with the chick from California, tried to fight for my relationship, only to find out she had met a guy on WoW. Karma's a bitch. But I wasn't ready to give up that easily. It took a few years, But I got her back, and made her my wife. We created a family. The girl from California, befriended my wife, and I've stayed friends with her as well.

What does any of this have to do with music? Well..everything. Music has always been there. I remember creating a flash video of photos of me and my girlfriend with background music from Yellowcard playing the song 'Only One' and sending it to her. It hit hard, and had a huge emotional impact for me. Till this day, listening to that song, brings tears, and memories of my fight for our relationship.

Today things are calm, chaotic, stable and unstable all at the same time, and I fucking love it. Why? Because music is the catalyst. It's fucked me over, It's saved me, It's sent me into depression and it dragged me back out.

After all that, I still listen to my old music, rarely find any new bands, because I'm happy with what I have now, that's not to say, I don't go looking. But I've found older music has that raw emotion, that I still crave. As I lay Dying still raises the hairs on my neck, Breakdown of Sanity still has me screaming thier lyrics in my car, and NOFX still brings out my teenage angst and my middle finger.

So to those of you who can relate, thanks for taking a trip down memory lane with me.

August 10, 2023
Listening to: Parkway Drive - Wild Eyes

Added or rather re-added the Ai Art, these are all new gens, all the previous junk is gone. I went ahead and added a blur to every image, hovering over them will remove the blur. They are NOT NSFW, but I added the blur anyway just incase. I have a lot more gens to add, but that'll be another day.

August 5, 2023
Listening to: Lozin' Must - Millencolin

Revemaped the layout, got rid of the pesky iframe.

August 1, 2023
Listening to: In Dying Days - As Blood Runs Black

Had a quick Doodle session today, I will say, pictures of these don't do it any justice, they look so much better in my sketchbook.

July 31, 2023
Listening to: Reel Big Fish - Take On Me

Finally! New Zen Doodle finished, my hand, wrist and neck hurt.

July 29, 2023
Listening to: The Beautiful Mistake - Light A Match

Got my new board today, I'm going cruising tomorrow. \m/

July 28, 2023
Listening to: Taking Back Sunday - You're So Last Summer

Still haven't finished my full page Doodles, taking a lot longer than I thought it would. But inbetween my Doodle breaks, I made some more buttons, cause I felt like GIF'ing it up.

July 21, 2023
Listening to: Haste The Day - Substance

Working on two, yes TWO, full page Zen Doodles, hope to have one finished by the end of the weekend. I might..might start working on a collection. After posting some of the old NFOs, it got my thinking that I may have some other old internet crap stored away on some old drive.

July 15, 2023
Listening to: TOOL - Sober

Renamed the Zen menu item to Zen Doodles, added first Zen Doodle, more to come.

July 3, 2023
Listening to: MxPx - Money Tree

Well damn, has it only been 4 months? 5..? Well however long it's been I'm here again, new mindset, new design. Let's see where this road takes us ;)