You hungry? Same. Here's some of my recipes I thought I'd share, agressively.

You're such a dip.
Here's your shitty ingredients:

• 1 Pack of smelly tuna.
• 1 Stalk of bland celery; chopped.
• 1/3 or more eye watering onion[I use purple onions]; chopped.
• Salt and Pepper, duh.
• Oregano.
• Paprika.
• Garlic Powder.
• Parsley.
• Dill, or if you're feeling bold use relish.
• Complete Seasoning [Badia brand], or whatever kinda seasoning you want. or hell skip it.
• Mayo, not Dukes, for the love of god.
• Mustard.

Time to put all that crap together:
Get a big ass bowl, throw your tuna in, shred it apart with a fork if needed. Then put all those seasonsings in and your celery and onion., no measurements, eye that shit, you'll thank me later. Add a good squirt[heh..] of mustard, then about 2 tablespoons of mayo. Mix angrily till combined and it's got a redish hue to it[Paprika], and creamy. Cover, and toss that bowl in the fridge till cold.

I usually use Ritz crackers to scoop, but you can use whatever you want, or hell you could even crumble that shit in the bowl and make it crunchy..for a short while.

I scrambled your eggs.
Here's your shitty ingredients:

• 4 overpriced eggs
• Milky Milk
• Butter [If the first ingredient is I can't believe it's not butter] It's not fucking butter.
• Paprika
• Salt & Pepper
• Cilantro
• Parsley
• Shredded Cheese, I use cheddar, but use whatever you want.
• Chopped bacon, or if you wanna be lazy about it; Bacon Bits.

Time to put all that crap together:
Get your old ass pan with dents and scratches, turn your heat on medium. Wile you are burning your pan, get a fuckin' bowl, crack those eggs, add in a good amount of milk, drown them eggs! Whisk it together while headbanging, throw a few cuss words in while your at it. Add a good amount of butter to your pan, and pour them eggs in.

Add your spices, don't be a bitch and cover your eggs! Toss in some of that bac0n. Once you see it start to bubble, get your spatula and start flipping that shit, sprinkle in some shredded cheese, as you toss your eggs, then just keep fliping, and tossing those eggs till done. Throw those eggs[that'll look like shit] on a plate, add some more shredded cheese on top if you want.

Sit down, with a cold glass of twisted tea..er..wait this is breakfast, a screwball. Gotta get that OJ's vitamin C right?

I'll usually squirt{heh..] a good amount of ketchup in to scoop up with my shitty scramble, enjoy..
[no really].